Things will be different once it is March. No more being depressed about things that are out of my control. I will change the things I can't control, control the things I can change, and what's the difference? It used to be if I didn't like what was on TV, I'd KICK IN the screen. Now I change the channel. It's called maturity. After all, I'm pushing 40. And the wrong way. I saw something today that froze my blood. And it was when I looked in the mirror. It's time to stop feeling sorry for yourself, I said. Later I revised that. It's time to stop talking to yourself like you're another person. And time to stop talking to other people like they're you.
Friday, February 29, 2008
Things Will Be Different
Things will be different once it is March. No more being depressed about things that are out of my control. I will change the things I can't control, control the things I can change, and what's the difference? It used to be if I didn't like what was on TV, I'd KICK IN the screen. Now I change the channel. It's called maturity. After all, I'm pushing 40. And the wrong way. I saw something today that froze my blood. And it was when I looked in the mirror. It's time to stop feeling sorry for yourself, I said. Later I revised that. It's time to stop talking to yourself like you're another person. And time to stop talking to other people like they're you.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Thank You For The Extra Day, February!
...because I need an extra day. I have spent all of my time job hunting... because making enough money to pay my rent and my bills HAS to be the priority right now. Wow... that sure is a boring way to start out a journal entry! No wonder I haven't written much lately.
Should I be concerned that no one-- not my dearest friends or my closest colleagues or my antsiest agents-- has asked me about the status of my "9 Lies" manuscript, the most important thing to me in my life? That's what happens when you take nearly 20 years to write something and burn out a lot of willing readers on the way. I'm not concerned, except for realizing that I need to read it myself, again, carefully, as 9 months has gone by since the completion of the last, "final," revision. That is my next scary project.
I will be happy when the movie THE POOL gets in some theaters and people can see it, because it is a movie I love, and my distance from it allows me to be more objective than I can be with my own writing. I just feel honored to be associated with it, and also felt honored that it was nominated for a Spirit Award, held last weekend. Because the "low budget" John Cassavetes Award listed directors, producers, and writers with the pictures, I was invited to the event. I really wanted to attend for moral support for Chris and Kate, and because it's been WAY too long since I've been to LA, and because I thought I might be able to discuss "craft" with that Diablo Cody, and also maybe hit up Schnabel for a job of some kind. But being unemployed, and with the last of my credit card cash advances quickly running out, and with the credit card companies using this opportunity (kicking a guy when he's down, that is) to raise my interest rates and lower my credit limits, I couldn't make the ceremony and had to check the internet periodically for results. I always wondered what it would be like to be nominated for something and lose. I guess it kind of made me feel... churlish and disgruntled is the word I'm looking for. I noted that the film that beat out The Pool had been advance DVD mailed to me (as a Film Independent member and voter), which means they sent a lot of those out! "Are we kids or what?" --to quote J.J. Hunsecker in "Sweet Smell of Success." Call me a sore loser, but just don't call me "loser."
Should I be concerned that no one-- not my dearest friends or my closest colleagues or my antsiest agents-- has asked me about the status of my "9 Lies" manuscript, the most important thing to me in my life? That's what happens when you take nearly 20 years to write something and burn out a lot of willing readers on the way. I'm not concerned, except for realizing that I need to read it myself, again, carefully, as 9 months has gone by since the completion of the last, "final," revision. That is my next scary project.
I will be happy when the movie THE POOL gets in some theaters and people can see it, because it is a movie I love, and my distance from it allows me to be more objective than I can be with my own writing. I just feel honored to be associated with it, and also felt honored that it was nominated for a Spirit Award, held last weekend. Because the "low budget" John Cassavetes Award listed directors, producers, and writers with the pictures, I was invited to the event. I really wanted to attend for moral support for Chris and Kate, and because it's been WAY too long since I've been to LA, and because I thought I might be able to discuss "craft" with that Diablo Cody, and also maybe hit up Schnabel for a job of some kind. But being unemployed, and with the last of my credit card cash advances quickly running out, and with the credit card companies using this opportunity (kicking a guy when he's down, that is) to raise my interest rates and lower my credit limits, I couldn't make the ceremony and had to check the internet periodically for results. I always wondered what it would be like to be nominated for something and lose. I guess it kind of made me feel... churlish and disgruntled is the word I'm looking for. I noted that the film that beat out The Pool had been advance DVD mailed to me (as a Film Independent member and voter), which means they sent a lot of those out! "Are we kids or what?" --to quote J.J. Hunsecker in "Sweet Smell of Success." Call me a sore loser, but just don't call me "loser."
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