not being a smartass for once

Every year at this time I have some kind of a birthday, which I know would be more healthy to celebrate than to see as a countdown toward death, but you know, I don't see a glass as half empty or half full, but as a glass that possibly contains poison. This is also the time of the Sundance Film Festival, which I have attended several times in the past, including last year, with Chris and Kate and a lot of the makers of the film "The Pool"-- including some of the Indian actors and crew. I have never started a year out with such optimism. Then followed a lot of disappointment as the film struggled to find a distributor. It now has a distributor, at least, and after countless viewings, much thought, lots of discussion, divorce, dreams, and separation, I still believe it's one of the best films out there. I argue that my objectivity on this matter is possible, and I don't feel like it's going out on much of a limb to predict that "The Pool" will find a large and very enthusiastic audience, no matter how slowly.

At the same time, I started being disappointed at film after film after DVD after movie-going-experience, to the point where I stopped going to the movies or even watching them at home. Part of that was due to packing, moving, going insane from packing and moving, and recovering from insanity. I admit that I haven't seen much of what I think I might like that's out there now, but on the other hand I find myself not caring. I still care deeply about books. What has happened between me and movies? Is it just me, just the movies, or both?

I feel like the next few months will tell me a lot and answer a lot of questions about my future with various art forms. There is something to be said about quitting everything and then starting over-- it's a good time to separate what's really important to you from the things you were just doing because you always did them.